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The Etiquette of Gift Giving

There are a few of times in life when giving gifts can become a sticky situation.  For example, if you are invited to a wedding and can’t attend, do you still have to send a gift?  What is appropriate to buy your clients for the holidays?  And above all else, what do you buy your boss??

Let’s try to navigate the complicated etiquette of corporate and wedding gift giving. 

Corporate gift giving etiquette

This is a potential minefield.  Some companies have strict gift-giving protocol so some investigation is required on your part.  For example, government agencies and public utilities may not allow their employees to accept gifts.  Always contact a company’s personnel department to find out the policy if you are not sure.

The gift you give should leave a good impression, but should never have your company’s logo on it.  If you can find something that fits a client’s interests, you will leave a much better impression of yourself and your company.  For example, finding tickets to a sold out game at Fenway Park for your diehard Red Sox fan client is the best advertisement for your company that you can make.  It shows you take a personal interest in the client.

If you have no idea what your client likes to do in his or her spare time, you can always call their assistant. 

But watch how much you spend.  Make sure the gift is appropriate to the occasion.  If you are wondering if you are spending too much, you probably are.  An extremely expensive gift can alienate or embarrass a client.  Also, never give cash.  It looks like a bribe.  Gift certificates are much more appropriate.

Also keep in mind that while you might love to receive a bottle of good champagne as a gift, your client may be a non-drinker.   And that basket of cheeses won’t go over well with a lactose-intolerant client, or a vegan.

Charitable donations are always a good idea, especially around the holidays.  Find out if your customer’s company supports a specific charity. 

Interoffice gift giving etiquette

When giving gifts to your officemates, try to spend the same amount on each person.  Buying everyone the same gift is by no means a faux pas.  These gifts should not be elaborate – a nicely wrapped small box of chocolates with a hand-written note for each person in the office is an easy way to show your appreciation of them.

If your office doesn’t already do this, suggest that everyone pick names for a secret Santa swap.  Set the spending limit at ten to fifteen dollars and stick to it.

Buying s gift for your boss can be stressful.  Some companies even forbid the giving of gifts so that no one feels awkward.  You could spend a lot of money and you’ll seem like a brown-noser or you could choose not to buy a gift and seem ungrateful.

The best way to purchase a gift for your boss on a birthday or holiday is to check with your colleagues to determine how much they are all going to spend .  You can even all “go in on” one large gift for your boss.  Just make sure everyone is included.

If you are the boss, consider giving your employees a gift that everyone can enjoy such as a special “holiday luncheon” or after work cocktail hour.  That way you are giving each employee the same gift. 

Wedding gift giving etiquette

The engagement party, the shower, the rehearsal dinner, the wedding – when is it appropriate to give a gift?

Some couples announce their engagement by throwing an engagement party, and gifts are not mandatory.  If guests do bring a gift, the couple should not open these presents at the party so that the other guests do not feel awkward.

Wedding gifts can be given to the couple as soon as guests receive their invitation.  Guests should not feel as though they must stick to a registry list, and in fact, the places where the couple is registered should never be listed on the wedding invitation, as it seems presumptuous.  Call a family member or the couple themselves to find out where they are registered.

There is no set amount that should be spent on the wedding gift.  The only obligation that you have when receiving a wedding invitation is to send along some kind if gift, even if you will not attend the wedding. 

Couples should send wedding announcements instead of invitations to people that live far away and will definitely not be able to attend the wedding.  And if the wedding is cancelled suddenly, all gifts must be returned.

Guests attending the wedding shower are not obligated to buy gifts off the wedding registry.  The shower invitation is generally sent only to close family members and friends of the bride and groom, and the hosts will specify in the invitation how formal the party will be and whether there is a theme to the party.  Presents purchased along the lines of the theme are appropriate:  if the theme is a luau to commemorate the couples’ upcoming honeymoon in Hawaii, then luggage, travel books, photo albums, and cameras will be greatly appreciated.

The couple will generally reward their dedicated wedding party with gifts to thank them for donating their time and money to the wedding.  These gifts are traditionally given at the rehearsal dinner.  These gifts are a token of thanks and friendship and should be meaningful and not necessarily expensive. 

Wedding favors are given to guests on the day of the wedding and need only be a reflection of the couple and not a substantial gift.  Anything from chocolates to flowers to candles is enough to show gratitude to the guests who attended.

Thoughtful gift giving

Anytime you are unsure of what to give or how much to spend, try to focus on showing true gratitude to the person for whom you are buying.  How much thought went into choosing a gift is always reflected in the gift itself.  Thoughtful gifts are always the most appreciated.

Karleen Kozaczka is a freelance writer who actually looks forward to the challenges of holiday gift giving every year.  She is also interested in buying jewelry.

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